Our First Personal Narratives

11/25/2015

Students worked hard to write their first personal narratives. Their stories are so thoughtful and entertaining! Students worked on skills such as writing about a small moment, using precise sensory details, writing in a step by step way, staying in the narrator's point of view, using spicy vocabulary, and using paragraphs to signal important changes.

Other than a little coaching and guidance from me, students wrote their narratives very independently, using peer conferencing and checklists to polish their stories to the best of their abilities. Great work, everyone!

Click on the "Comments" link to read some of our personal narratives. We hope you enjoy!

6 Comments

Tommy

11/25/2015 10:12:44 am

Tommy

Personal Narrative Draft #1

4:30 P.M., in the hot, damp, boring, did I mention hot basement? It was so hot, that I was hotter after playing basketball with my 3 house away neighbor, Robert. Well, after a long time of basketball with Robert, he went walked along the steamy, gray road, and I got inside as sweaty as a hot, marathon runner coming home from training. I wasn’t training, but Robert worked me out like a human racing a cheetah in the the also hot sahvanna, or running with the bulls in Madrid, Spain.

As I made my way through the basement door in the brown dull garage, I felt woozy as though I was going to faint. The fast motion walk I was doing to the Xbox system, to play video games, could have been the cause. To be safe I got on my knees and crawled. It was so nice! The floor was 50F and cooled me down, and felt as steam went into the air, as I made my way to the playroom in the basement. I turned on the tv and started playing.

Anyways, The video games were not all too, appealing. The sun was shining bright through the window, really too bright for me. So, I just thought, whatever. I grasped the black remote, ever so slightly and slowly, until I finished struggling to hold the remote to my chest and pressed on. It took awhile to load, and I was nervously waiting on my beanbag on the beige rug.

It finally loaded, the sun still so strong and got stronger by the minute. It turned directions to the tv that had just turned on. The ever so strong light ricashade back at my face, with it’s all so powerful light from the burning sun. It came at my eyes with intent as if it were to burn my face. I closed my eyes with fear as the light began to burn all the other part of my face. The power becoming stronger as I ducked back and finally got away from the sun and that terrifying TV!

Then I noticed a sudden pain in my upper left neck. It became stronger. Stronger than the sun’s rays on my still burning face. But this was a worse situation. It felt like a bee sting, that hit me with the same intent as the sun did. Infact this was so bad, I ran upstairs on the gray hot stairs to my mom in her room reading some sort of novel. I turned around and showed her the spot where it hurt the most. When I did that she let out a small gasp and told me to look on the mirror, and there I saw a stinger from a wasp, sticking out the upper left part of my neck.

I was exploding into tears. It was a wasp sting.

My mom came rushing in with her tweezers and tried to haul it out with all her might. She was breathing so crisp and slow, also loud. Her voice filling the echoey bathroom as she was continuing to struggle and me thinking I wanted her to stop, for the pain had got higher and higher as the pressure of the pointy tweezers grinded into my skin. It was mayhem.

Then after a whole MINUTE, I just had to scream, so I did. I guess my mom didn’t know that it was coming, so the result of it was she jerked so hard it came out, finally! But the downside was, it still hurt and it started to bleed. Not a lot, but enough to make a thin line of what was a kind of short line of sting hell.

The rush of blood did one more explosion, then took an immediate stop in which it was maybe giving up. I was relieved when the pain fully died down. Now I could finally play video games!

After that was over I learned a lesson…

Wasp’s can be dangerous!

Maggie

11/25/2015 10:14:14 am

Snow

My sea blue eyes opened on the big fluffy mattress in my room. I had a vibe that this was going to be a good day. I slumped out of bed wearing my footy's, with fox’s laying all over then, and I looked around the house from the top of the stairs. Everything had a strange glow to it I walked downstairs and into the sitting room. As my eyes traveled to the window it all comes back to me.
“Yesterday's blizzard!” I thought to myself.
I looked out the window at the big puffy white blanket laying on the ground. Through the window I saw a little golden white blob prancing through the snow. I knew it was the best puppy in the world, Millie.
“Morning Mom,” I said
“Morning sweetie. Isn't it beautiful outside? Millie adores the snowy weather.”
I plopped down next to her on the couch. “Is school off today?” I questioned.
“Yep superintendent bliss finally gave in.”
“Yesssss! How many feet of snow?”
“3 FEET,” she said
My mouth dropped and my throat felt dry. “th-th-three feet!” I stammered.
“I know I was shocked when I heard the news as well.”
After staring out the window for a couple of minutes I realized that it was “drizzling” with snow. I then, slumped into the living room and started to binge watch “Doctor Who” on Netflix.
After a delicious breakfast I made a decision.
“Thanks, can you be over in ten?.........Great, Bye!” I ran downstairs and started to rummage through my downstairs closet and rummaged through it looking for my snow stuff.
“Mom where are my gloves?”
“On the bench sweetheart,” She said.
I shoved on my snow pants, threw on my coat, hat, and gloves until I was ready. Finally ready.
“Mom when are Ellawhitneyandlexi coming?” I said quickly.
My mom laughed “You said there names like there one word! But that's not the point. The’ll be here soon honey, be patient.”
Of course, she was right. A minute later I heard the doorbell ring and Ella and Whitney came in. A minute after that lexi. We all paraded outside but as soon as we stepped in the snow it came up to our waist! We all staggered to the usually grassy hill which was now a mountain of snow.
We hurtled ourselves to the top of the hill (which was definitely more than 3 feet of snow) and looked down at the obbis below. I swore it could've been miles of danger. Ice in the snow, rocks, it was filled with risks! But, of course I here a “WEEE!” of Ella jumping into the snow.
“Be careful!” I shout. “There could be ice in the snow!”
Ella let out a “Peh.” Like she thought I was crazy.
Then Lexi cried “I almost forgot! I brought my tube sled with me!”
“Us too!” said Whitney gesturing to ella.
“I have tons in my garage! You can borrow some if you want.”
I motioned them to follow me into the garage. we entered a gasoline smelling place that was my fateful garage. I ran into a corner and pulled out a yellow sled that looked like it could be used to race.
“let's go!” I cried like I was telling them to go on the battlefield.
We charged on to the snowy hill sleds in our hands where the sledding slopes are. We all went to a different spot on the hill and looked at each other to see who would go first. I looked down at the slope my heart racing. I gulped and pushed off, riding with the wind. Then it was like time slowed down. I herd the rest of my friends push off after me as I went down. Snow pelted my face along with the gust of wind. I tightened my grip, but luckily I didn't fall off. When I finally slowed to a stop at the bottom of the hill I screamed “THAT WAS AWESOME!”
One hour later we were all freezing our butts off.
“I’ll race you inside! last one in's a rotten egg!” Whitney teased.
We all ran to the door and sadly I was the rotten egg. Opend the door and I immediately started to feel my butt again. Warm air enveloped me. It felt like a blanket surrounded me. I sighed a sigh of gratitude and carefully took off all of my snow clothes careful not to get my feet wet. As we walked upstairs I smelled a wood fire.
I whispered to them “Hot cocoa?”
“Hot cocoa,” they whispered back
We walked into the kitchen to find my mom cooking spaghetti.
“Hey…… My wonderful mother……. Can we please have hot cocoa?” I said in a coaxing voice.
“Sure! Whipped cream and marshmallows?”
“Of course!” We all said.
We waited in the living room for a couple of minutes. When we finally grasped our hot cocoa

Whitney

11/25/2015 10:15:04 am

Whitney Smith Nov. 16,2015
My First Wedding

Late in March of 2014, the cool California air blew as my family and I walked down the long cobblestone path. The massive house glistened in the setting sun. I was buzzing with excitement as we made our way down to Ella and my first wedding.

“What do you think it will be like?” Ella says, as if reading my mind.

“Probably casual” my Mom says with a warm smile. “Geoffrey and Sarah aren’t the super fancy type,” she adds with a laugh.

I hope she’s right. I don’t like super fancy things.

“Here we are,” My Dad says. We have reached the house.

We walked inside and out to the back like the owners of the house said we should. I was quickly overwhelmed by the sheer number of people standing, talking, laughing, all of them strangers. A woman with bright green eyes walks up to us and asks us to sign in. We walk over to the table labeled with a sign, written in neat cursive stating CHECK IN. My mom slowly and carefully prints her name on the line and takes the 4 place cards meant for our family.

We heard from a friend of my Mom’s that the ceremony wasn’t being held for another hour, so we walked around for a while. Ella and I felt like outsiders, until….. we found the other kids! Granted, they were a bit younger- I thought that they were about 5 years old- but still, kids nonetheless! There was a 3 year old named Lucy who was ADORABLE.

At most weddings, everybody sits while the bride and groom do the vows. But this wedding had a very different format. They wanted everybody to stand to make a makeshift aisle while they did the ceremony. So, we all stood on either side of the aisle, and held ribbons with flowers attached. The flowers were a deep blue with fake diamonds inside. FAKE DIAMONDS.

“Those are a bit much, don’t you think?” I asked Ella quietly.

“No, I think that they add just the right amount of class,’ Ella whispered, clearly trying to suppress her laughter.

The ceremony was very quick I played with the little diamonds on the ribbon as I listened to the adults drone on about how they were perfect for each other, and how they were soooo cuuute. It was pretty dry. Then, finally, it was time for dinner.

Dinner was a quiet affair, yet also very fancy. The main course was rare roast beef with green beans in a yellowish cheesy sauce and lemon rice with veggies cooked into it. It was pretty fancy, although kinda delicious.

After dinner, the bride and groom just randomly started to dance. After they started, pretty much everyone joined in. It was like it was normal or something! But, not one to turn down a chance to do the disco, I joined the group. It was like a different dimension. Well, if you count about 30 middle-aged people dancing like there was no tomorrow, then yes, it felt like a different world. But after about 2 hours of straight up dancing, Ella and I collapsed and started laughing about how tired we were and how crazy the night had been. GOOD NIGHT CALIFORNIA!

THE END

DeAngi

11/25/2015 10:15:11 am

The Logan Airport

Apo (my grandma) and I were walking down the cracked but shiny tile. At last we met the dreaded security check. I felt terrified for Apo because she was a handicap.
“Don’t worry I will be fine, I heard her say.” I was astonished because it was like my grandma read my mind.

Since Apo is chinese I had to translate every single little thing that she said. As we arrived at the security check, my grandma put her purse, necklace, cane, and jacket in the security magnet. Since she is handicap, I had to ask for a cane .The security guard gave me the last cane they had. Surprisingly, the cane was up to my chin!

Since the cane was so tall, once she put pressure on it I thought she would plunge
down on the floor or on her wheelchair . Of course my hunch was right, and once she put pressure on the cane, she toppled backwards on her wheelchair. When she was falling, I heard the screeching of rubber against the shiny tiles. I felt like her shoes sticked to the floor as if there were glue on them. Once I got a glimpse of her face, she looked like she ate the sourest lemon in the world. I asked her if she was ok.

She said yes but I could tell she was lying because how she looked. Man, she looked like she got struck by lighting! Since I was already past security, I couldn't go back to help her. But I didn’t know that so I started walking.
“Please stay here, a security guard whispered.” He sounded like there was a gohst behind so he couldn't talk anymore.
What I didn’t hear you, I said. I started strolling to my grandma again.

“ What did I just tell you kid?!” He screamed of his top of his lungs.
He was so soundless a second ago. I just told you to stay back!
Sorry I didn't hear you, I whispered.
What!, he shrieked . Never mind. I said annonly. But he was already gone, zooming left and right. Checking on my grandma, calling for” backup”, and of course checking on me. I was just standing there, confused and doing nothing.

Finally after what seemed like forever, the security guard, named Bill, said to go get the cane for Apo. I was so relieved that I could actually do something. I tried to sprint but Bill told me to walk. Is this a school or something, I thought. Fine, I said with such a voice it sounded like I was gorilla grunting. So I “Walked” to the dirty plastic bin, grabbed her cane, “Walked” back through a special gate guards go though. I handed Apo’s cane to Apo. God, I heard her say under her breath. She stood up, stumbled to the scanner, and everything was done. Oh my god that took more than thirty minutes.

But it wasn’t over. Somebody had to give her a full body check. Oh no, I thought. another half hour. Unfortunately, she had to stand up without shoes! First I helped her up, I had to put all my weight on the opposite side because she couldn't get up on her own. Surprisingly that tuckered me out quickly.
As always, when she gets up from the wheelchair, I always watch her purse. So I started to settle in. I was so tired I probably fell asleep.

But I “ woke up”to a crash. It was a similar sound I hear almost every day. Oh no! It was Apo’s black metal cane. I jolted up to see… my grandma on the floor. But this time it wasn’t Apo who made the face, it was the woman who was checking her! I springed to help Apo but the woman was already assisting Apo.

The woman's face looked like she was in a court, and she was proved guilty.
I am so sorry, I heard her say frantically. She can put her shoes on, and leave. Well, that was strange. She said along the way to the plane. Yes indeed, I replied
As Apo got settled in I as already fast asleep, dreaming about what just happened.

August

11/25/2015 10:15:50 am

The Worst Birthday

Vvvvvv! The bus came to a jolting stop. I skipped off the bus and then stopped to smell the fresh air. Then the bus roared it’s engine and zoomed away. So instead of the smell of fresh air, I smelt gasoline. But who cares it was my birthday.

I started to trot down the driveway but then I tripped on a very large branch, that had been there when I came out in the morning to get on the bus, and I went flying in the air. Then I landed hard on the pavement. My chin slammed down on the pavement first. My chin was bulging with pain. I started crying. My heart sunk. I felt like my birthday was on November 13, which is known to be an unlucky day.

I was screaming so loud my sister, Kenya, could hear me from five hundred feet away in the house.
Kenya came jogging out to me, she stared at me for five seconds and then ran back to the house.
My screaming had quieted down a little bit, but in my head I was thinking what the heck was Kenya doing. Then fifteen seconds later Kenya came running back out and helped me walk to the house.
Once we were about ten feet away from the house my mom came running out too.
She carried me upstairs. I had stopped crying by now, but I was still bleeding. My mom looked at my chin. I thought she was wondering if I was going to get stitches.
She brought me back down stairs and put me into the car.
Then she went to go get the car keys. She came out with the car keys and Kenya and Warren, my brother. Then we drove out of the driveway.
“Where are we going?” I questioned.
“The hospital,” my mom answered.
After I said one thing the car became silent for the rest of the ride. The car ride seemed like it took two hours but it only took ten minutes.

When we got to the hospital we went straight into a room.Then my mom said“Recline on to the bed.” I did as I was told. Kenya, mom, and Warren sat down on the chairs on the side of the room.

A doctor came in. I was lying down on the bed for a long time while the doctor looked at my chin. Then the doctor walked over to my mom. I heard the doctor tell my mom that I would not need stitches. I was so thrilled that inside of my head I was doing a happy dance with disco lights all around the place. Then ten minutes went by. After the ten minutes I was told to get off the bed.

A nurse came in and asked me, Kenya, and Warren if we would like some popsicles.
“Yes please,” we barked.

We waited for the popsicles for a long time but sadly they did not come.

“When are the popsicles coming?” asked Kenya.

“We have to go, I will give you popsicles when we get home, okay Kenya?” mom said.

“ Got it,” Kenya said.

We got in the car and drove home.
I hope to have a better birthday than the beginning of the day.

DeAngi

12/2/2015 08:44:59 am

The Logan Airport

Apo (my grandma) and I were walking down the cracked but shiny tile. At last we met the dreaded security check. I felt terrified for Apo because she was a handicap.
“Don’t worry I will be fine, I heard her say.” I was astonished because it was like my grandma read my mind.

Since Apo is chinese I had to translate every single little thing that she said. As we arrived at the security check, my grandma put her purse, necklace, cane, and jacket in the security magnet. Since she is handicap, I had to ask for a cane .The security guard gave me the last cane they had. Surprisingly, the cane was up to my chin!

Since the cane was so tall, once she put pressure on it I thought she would plunge
down on the floor or on her wheelchair . Of course my hunch was right, and once she put pressure on the cane, she toppled backwards on her wheelchair. When she was falling, I heard the screeching of rubber against the shiny tiles. I felt like her shoes sticked to the floor as if there were glue on them. Once I got a glimpse of her face, she looked like she ate the sourest lemon in the world. I asked her if she was ok.

She said yes but I could tell she was lying because how she looked. Man, she looked like she got struck by lighting! Since I was already past security, I couldn't go back to help her. But I didn’t know that so I started walking.
“Please stay here, a security guard whispered.” He sounded like there was a ghost behind so he couldn't talk anymore.
What I didn’t hear you, I said. I started strolling to my grandma again.

“ What did I just tell you kid?!” He screamed of his top of his lungs.
He was so soundless a second ago. I just told you to stay back!
Sorry I didn't hear you, I whispered.
What!, he shrieked . Never mind. I said annonly. But he was already gone, zooming left and right. Checking on my grandma, calling for” backup”, and of course checking on me. I was just standing there, confused and doing nothing.

Finally after what seemed like forever, the security guard, named Bill, said to go get the cane for Apo. I was so relieved that I could actually do something. I tried to sprint but Bill told me to walk. Is this a school or something, I thought. Fine, I said with such a voice it sounded like I was gorilla grunting. So I “Walked” to the dirty plastic bin, grabbed her cane, “Walked” back through a special gate guards go though. I handed Apo’s cane to Apo. God, I heard her say under her breath. She stood up, stumbled to the scanner, and everything was done. Oh my god that took more than thirty minutes.

But it wasn’t over. Somebody had to give her a full body check. Oh no, I thought. another half hour. Unfortunately, she had to stand up without shoes! First I helped her up, I had to put all my weight on the opposite side because she couldn't get up on her own. Surprisingly that tuckered me out quickly.
As always, when she gets up from the wheelchair, I always watch her purse. So I started to settle in. I was so tired I probably fell asleep.

But I “ woke up”to a crash. It was a similar sound I hear almost every day. Oh no! It was Apo’s black metal cane. I jolted up to see… my grandma on the floor. But this time it wasn’t Apo who made the face, it was the woman who was checking her! I springed to help Apo but the woman was already assisting Apo.

The woman's face looked like she was in a court, and she was proved guilty.
I am so sorry, I heard her say frantically. She can put her shoes on, and leave. Well, that was strange. She said along the way to the plane. Yes indeed, I replied
As Apo got settled in I as already fast asleep, dreaming about what just happened.

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Our First Personal Narratives

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Our First Personal Narratives

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Student Workfor​Ms. Kimball's Grade 5 At Pine Hill, 2015-2016

Archives

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Automation Setup

Student Work
for
Ms. Kimball's Grade 5 At Pine Hill, 2015-2016